


Being in Love With You.

by RamenKitsune



Series: Loving My Life with You [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: A bit of episode 13 at the beginning, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Kissing, Love Confession, M/M, bottom makoto, self doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 09:40:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7929853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RamenKitsune/pseuds/RamenKitsune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru realizes how important Makoto is to him, and feels he doesn't deserve him most of the time. </p><p>Aka: I really wanted to write MakoHaru fluff, but also wanted to write HaruMako smut, so this is the results.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being in Love With You.

**Author's Note:**

> So instead of working on one of the three on-going stories I have, I decided to spend my time with this because hell why not.
> 
> I have no excuse really but I hope you enjoy it.

The plane bumped a bit as it landed, adding to Haru’s trepidation at being in Japan again. Haru was happy he had finally decided what to do with his future, he had felt lighter in making such a decision, but upon boarding Haru was once more reminded that returning to Japan meant returning and facing Makoto after their fight. Rin had told him everything would work out, seeming to know his new worries were about Makoto, but Haru had his doubts. He knew he had said hurtful, terrible things to Makoto, and though Makoto was forgiving, Haru couldn’t see how even Makoto could find it in himself to forgive Haru this time. Rin didn’t seem to hold these doubts, but what did Rin know about it? Haru knew Rin didn’t know the content, so how could he be so positive? With a glance to his red head friend, Haru once more reminded himself that he deserved Makoto being angry at him for being cruel and saying thing that made Makoto who he was as if they were the worst, as if Haru hadn’t always loved and appreciated Makoto caring nature that always just wanted the best for everyone, to help everyone. He had said Makoto was meddlesome, but Haru didn’t mean it, not really. 

“Haru, you coming?” Rin asked, standing in the aisle for him. Haru hadn’t even noticed others leaving the plane. He nodded, moving to follow Rin off the plane, pushing these worries down again as they left the airplane. 

The airport wasn’t crowded, but it was definitely busy, people moving to board or depart from their respective planes, but Haru paid them no mind as he stuck close to Rin, not wanting to end up lost in the building. They hadn’t brought much, just their carry-on’s, so Rin was leading them out. Haru allowed himself to worry once more as he followed. What would he say? A simple “I’m sorry” didn’t seem to be enough, nor should it be, or so Haru felt, but Haru also knew he wasn’t good with words. How could he express how much he regretted every syllable he had said that night? How could he explain to Makoto that he, Makoto, had been right, that Haru could just find a dream by looking, but Haru had been so scared that there wasn’t a dream for him that he didn’t want to try? How could Haru get all these thoughts in order?

“Haru! Rin!”

Both boys looked up and Haru felt his mouth dry as his eyes landed on Makoto. Makoto didn’t look angry or upset to see them, in fact it was the opposite with is long arm in the air waving at them, smile on his face. Rin called back to him and closed the gap between them, Haru having no choice but to follow. He didn’t want Makoto to think he was mad still, because he had never truly been mad at Makoto. He had been surprised, and maybe a little hurt, in finding out Makoto’s plans for the future, to leave him, but he wasn’t mad. 

“You came all this way to meet us?” Rin said, voice pleasantly surprised, and Haru felt the side glance Rin gave him, as if Rin was saying “I told you”. Luckily Makoto didn’t see such a thing as his eyes closed in his cheery smile.  


“You must be tired after you trip.” Makoto explained with a small chuckle in his tone. He was so caring, even after everything. It shocked Haru a bit, making his mouth open and move, but he didn’t have the words. He tried again, but still he had no idea where to start. Disheartened, he closed his mouth and glanced to the side. He didn’t deserve Makoto’s kindness when he couldn’t even put together a proper apology. “Haru,” Makoto’s voice forced him to look back up, hoping that Makoto wouldn’t bring up his failed attempts of speaking to him. “Welcome home.” The smile on Makoto’s face was warm and sincere, and Haru’s heart swelled with affection with the slight tilt of Makoto’s head at such a warm welcome. Makoto’s sweet way of saying he knew and forgave without Haru having to say a word, and Haru couldn’t look at him as his face warmed. He knew he didn’t deserve it, but Makoto giving it so willingly warmed his heart and he was grateful none the less. 

“Thanks.” Haru said, knowing it wasn’t enough as he met Makoto’s eyes, but knew Makoto wouldn’t ask for more when Makoto smiled. Haru could feel Rin’s smugness from his side, but paid him no attention as he focused on Makoto’s smile. 

“Let’s go. Everyone’s waiting.” Makoto said, and Rin and Haru followed him. As they walked, Haru wondered how he had been blessed with someone as patent as Makoto. 

…

The next few weeks were a whirlwind of events; the relay, the drafters, the planning and tests. Haru felt drained as he looked over his list of possible schools, marks next to the ones that were actual possibilities, knowing how important the decision was and knowing he had put it off too long. They were all equal to all the important parts that Haru “required” in a school, and he was getting a headache. With a heavy sign, he sat the list down and moved to his kitchen to make food, figuring he didn’t need to have an answer till the morning after all, what was five minutes. It was about the time he placed his mackerel on the plate that he heard his front door open.

“Haru, it’s me!” Makoto called, as if Haru would think it was someone else; they had agreed to Makoto coming over to stay the night earlier. Makoto made his way to Haru’s living room and Haru nodded at him as welcome as he began to eat. “Ah, did I take too long?” Makoto asked with a chuckle, and for a response Haru shook his head. 

“Needed a break.” Haru supplied for details as Makoto sat down next to him. “I can’t decide.” 

“Decide?” Makoto asked, truly puzzled for a moment, then his green eyes lit up with realization. “Oh on a school! Haru, you still haven’t decided! This isn’t something you can procrastinate on!” Makoto fretted, and Haru expected as much. He slid the paper over to Makoto with his left hand as he took another bite. “Geez, this is a lot of offers. All these scouted you?” Haru provided a short nod here. “What are these?” Makoto’s finger slide over the marks next to the side of five schools as he asked.

“Actual possibilities.” Haru answered, blue eyes meeting green for a moment before looking back at the list. Makoto read over the schools and then grew still. 

“Haru… These are all near my choice.” He said after a few minutes, and Haru felt his cheeks warm and turned his full attention to his food. Haru knew he couldn’t very well just admit that one and only requirement he had, but he also didn’t want to lie to Makoto either, to make him think he wasn’t important enough for Haru to do this over was the last thing Haru wanted. So he decided to remain silent, figuring it was the best option. Makoto shifted at his side and Haru looked at him, seeing a confusing look on Makoto’s face that Haru couldn’t depict. 

“Is that okay?” Haru asked, feeling a sudden dread that maybe Makoto didn’t want him to be close. Maybe Makoto wanted this to be the moment they would be able to distance themselves from each other. The feeling passed quickly, because Haru knew that wasn’t how Makoto was, that thinking something so ridiculous was almost insulting to Makoto, but that look on Makoto’s face did make Haru feel like something was wrong.

“Haru…” Makoto’s eyes looked to the list again. “I don’t… You shouldn’t… You don’t have to pick schools just because of where I am going…. You should pick what is best for you. I wouldn’t want you to miss out of the best option for yourself because you think you have to protect me.” Makoto’s eyes met Haru’s again, and Haru finally placed the emotion. Makoto was conflicted. It was like when they were planning their training camp; Makoto said what he thought was right, what others wanted, instead of what he actually wanted. Makoto wanted Haru near him, then, and relief washed over Haru instantly. 

“These are the best for me.” Haru said, the words, ‘because they are with Makoto,’ not being spoken but with how Makoto’s eyes widened Haru was certain that Makoto knew they were there. “Well… One of them.” Haru added, reminding himself he did still have to pick one. This made Makoto chuckle and look at the list again. 

“Would you like some help? We can make a pro’s and con’s list, Rei says they work well for these types of problems.” Makoto said, the mood in the room much lighter. Haru nodded, standing to get his bag. 

“I have pamphlets.” He said before he moved up the stairs. 

…

This was their last time walking home together from high school. The sentiment wasn’t lost on Haru at all as he and Makoto walked like they had for the last three years from Iwatobi High School, almost as if it was no different at all, but they would have their graduation ceremony in two days, and in two months they’d be going to Tokyo. Makoto was quiet, and Haru glanced over at him, watching as green eyes seemed lost at the view ahead of them, and Haru knew Makoto’s thoughts were much like his own. They stood close and Haru’s eyes traveled down to Makoto’s hand, so very close to his own, and Haru remembered being in elementary school, walking this path with Makoto’s hand in his own. Maybe that was why Haru’s finger ghost over the back of Makoto’s fingers, or maybe it was because Haru just wanted to touch Makoto, he wasn’t sure which. 

“Haru?” Makoto had stopped walking, so naturally Haru had as well, though he couldn’t look up to Makoto’s face as Makoto turned towards him, pulling his hand away in the processes. The sound of the waves rolling over the sand was the only sound around them, though Haru’s heart beat savagely in his ears as well. Haru had no idea how to explain himself, mainly since there was no real explanation to give since he had just impulsively touched Makoto and that he would have gone farther than just the gentle graze of Makoto’s finger by gripping a hold of Makoto’s hand fully in his own, lacing their fingers. And what would Makoto say if Haru could say these things out loud. Would he hate Haru, be disgusted in him? No, not Makoto, Haru reassured himself. Makoto would never think like that towards him, towards Haru’s feelings for Makoto.

Haru felt a lump in his throat as he realized his last thoughts, his feelings for Makoto. Why fighting with Makoto had scared him so much, why thinking Makoto would leave him scared him so much, was because he loved Makoto.

He wanted to run, because he couldn’t possibly explain any of this to Makoto. But running away seemed cruel, and he couldn’t be cruel to Makoto. His gaze moved from his feet up to Makoto’s eyes, and he almost instantly regretted it was Makoto’s eyes widened and the softest of gasps pasted his lips. Makoto could always read him too well, and Haru could only guess how transparent his new discovery was to Makoto. Haru looked away, unable to look at Makoto while he formed his opinion. But Makoto surprised him by grabbing his wrist firmly and pulled Haru with hurried steps to the stairs that lead them home and up until they were at Haru’s home and behind a closed door. Makoto removed his shoes and waited for Haru to do the same before pulling him up his stairs to his room and closed the door there as well. Haru couldn’t help the small huff from Makoto acting like he owned everything as he slumped down on his bed and covered his face. He was shaking, scared of what Makoto was going to say, scared at why he had been so hurried and knowing what to do.

“Haru.” Makoto’s voice was soft as he spoke and Haru gave a small sign that he was listening. “W…Why did you try to hold my hand?” The mattress dipped as Makoto sat beside Haru, too far to touch without effort, but all Haru had to do was reach out and grab him. Haru shifted his arm, peeking out from behind it to look at Makoto, who he found was staring at him directly. He looked just as gorgeous as Haru had always thought he was, the sunlight making his sandy brown hair look almost golden, making those grass green eyes look more like an endless forest that Haru could easily get lost in, and did get lost in. Makoto’s lips had a small sheen to them, probably from Makoto biting his lip with nervousness. On appearance alone, anyone could be infatuated with Makoto, and Haru felt a churning of jealousy in his gut as he realized that most of the time they were. And with who Makoto was, anyone would fall in love with Makoto effortlessly. Makoto was perfect, even his imperfections were perfect in making Makoto perfect.

How long had Haru loved Makoto? Because realizing the name of the emotion didn’t change that it wasn’t new, that Haru had felt it long before today, long before this year or the one prior. He couldn’t think of when he didn’t feel this surge of affection when Makoto was involved, be it when Makoto pulled him from the pool to hiding behind him over silly fears, Haru thought of everything involving Makoto with this same feeling. How had Haru over looked this feeling for Makoto for so long? And now that he had noticed, would they change? So much was already changing Haru couldn’t bare he and Makoto changing as well. He had already been so scared their fight was the end of their friendship, and where it hadn’t been, how much could Makoto tolerate before even he had to quit.

“Haru-chan.” Makoto whispered, and Haru could feel, could see, that Makoto was nervous, just as nervous as Haru was himself. Haru wanted to comfort him, and without thinking, he moved his hand over the distance between them and gripped Makoto’s hand that held Makoto upright. Makoto’s eyes widened and Haru thought he should pull his hand away, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t pull away because Haru felt in his gut this was right, and maybe it was selfish, but he knew it was for the both of them. With such a thought, Haru sat up, eyes not leaving Makoto’s as he leaned in closer. They were mere inches from each other before Haru stopped, feeling Makoto’s trembling breath over his face. 

“Can I?” Haru asked, focusing on Makoto’s eyes. He heard Makoto swallow, a harsh sound that almost was enough to make Haru back up if it hadn’t been followed instantly by a soft nod. Makoto’s eyes held a plea in them. ‘Please.’ They said to Haru, where Makoto’s mouth would never ask something so selfish, Makoto’s eyes begged him.

So Haru pressed their lips together slowly. 

It was chaste at first, neither of them having kissed before and both unsure, but where one kiss ended the next was close behind. Makoto’s free hand moved to cup Haru’s face, his warm palm resting on Haru’s jaw as his fingers danced in Haru’s hairline, and Haru leaned into it. The kisses grew more heated and Haru felt dizzy from them, dizzy with how their mouths opened and they could taste each other more and more, dizzy with how when Haru’s tongue moved to invade Makoto’s mouth he yielded so easily before his tongue met Haru’s. Haru’s hands moved to hold Makoto’s neck, desperate to hold him closer, to have this kiss say every word Haru could never articulate. 

Haru wasn’t sure how long they kissed for, but he did know they were out of breath when Makoto turned his face away, stopping Haru from getting more. Makoto’s head lulled onto Haru’s shoulder, and his arms engulfed Haru’s waist, pulling Haru towards him. Haru turned to place a kiss against Makoto’s jaw, chaste and affectionate, and Makoto’s hold tightened around him. Haru’s arms moved around Makoto as well, his hands moving slowly over the expanse of Makoto’s back. They didn’t speak for a long time, and Haru felt it wasn’t needed as Makoto understood all that Haru expressed, and Haru felt the same with Makoto, but as the last ray of sunlight left the room Makoto pulled back, though his arms stayed around Haru.

“Is…Is this okay?” Makoto asked, and Haru nodded, because he wanted nothing else. Makoto smiled, though Haru could tell there was something hidden behind it. 

“Is it okay with you?” Haru’s voice seemed strange in such a situation, they didn’t need to speak like this before. Maybe they had changed in a way Haru hadn’t noticed, and it scared him. Makoto’s eyes widened and he nodded fast.

“Of course it is Haru!” The words were rushed, almost like Makoto felt that fear that swelled in Haru’s chest himself. “It’s more than okay to me.” His voice fell to a soft whisper and his gaze drifted to the side. Haru didn’t like it, this strange feeling that Makoto was hiding something from him, something very important, and without a second thought he cupped Makoto’s face with both hands and forced him to look at him. There was so much in those green pools that Haru almost felt like he was drowning in them, and it took a moment for Haru to sort through it all, but only a moment as Haru could tell everything Makoto felt. Makoto shifted nervously, and Haru rubbed small circles over Makoto’s cheeks. 

“Makoto.” The affection in Haru’s voice was almost palpable, and he leaned in, resting his forehead against Makoto’s. How could Haru have ever thought they didn’t feel the same for each other? The question bloomed as Haru gently nuzzled his nose against Makoto’s. He watched Makoto’s eyes close before following suit himself, feeling content. “Stay tonight.” Haru whispered, not wanting to part from Makoto, not wanting Makoto out of his arms for even the time it was going to take for Makoto to call his mother and tell her he was staying, but he felt Makoto stiffen at the request. Haru’s eyes opened lazily and moved slightly to kiss Makoto’s lips once more. It was so addictive and easy that Haru almost lost track of why he had kissed him in the first place, mainly with how Makoto yielded with ease, but he slowly pulled back, meeting Makoto’s eyes again. “Please stay tonight.” 

“Haru… I… We shouldn’t rush… you know…” Makoto’s cheeks warmed under Haru’s touch and he realized what Makoto was talking about. Haru blushed as well, but also chuckled. 

“That isn’t what I meant.” Haru said, watching Makoto’s face change from embarrassment to mortification and he moved to hide it in Haru’s chest. Haru laughed, a “Haru laugh” as Nagisa called it, at Makoto’s actions, his hand moving to comb though Makoto’s hair.

“Haru.” Makoto whined, causing Haru to laughed again. 

“I… I just don’t want you to leave me… Not tonight.” Haru explained. “W..We probably have things we need to talk about too.” The suggestion made Haru feel weird, but it was needed. 

Makoto pulled back, his eyes meeting Haru’s again with a look of wonder. 

“Okay Haru.” Makoto conceded, a small smile spreading across his lips. 

…

Haru dug in his pocket for his keys, his suitcase leaning against his leg on the cement in front of his and Makoto’s door. They had been in Tokyo for three years now, though sometimes it only felt like yesterday they were meeting with Nagisa, Rei, and Gou around the Iwatobi swimming pool. Haru smiled at the fond memories as he unlocked the door and quietly moved into the apartment. It was late, and Haru wasn’t supposed to be back until the morning, but he as anxious to get home, to crawl into bed with Makoto in his arms. 

He left his suitcase in the doorway, knowing it could wait as he shrugged off his winter coat and hung it on the coat rack as he carefully shifted out of his shoes at the same time. Haru moved into the living room and was surprised to see the gentle glow of the television greet him. The volume was low, but Haru could hear it clearly, though he paid no mind to it as he saw Makoto’s sleeping form scrunched on their small couch. Haru wondered how long he had been asleep as he walked closer, kneeling down to admire Makoto’s sleeping face. He lightly reached out and ran his fingers over Makoto’s strong jaw, then up his cheeks and to his forehead. It was during this greedy touching that he heard his name, his family name, from behind him and his eyebrows knitted together as he turned to look at the television. It was a sports channel, and not just any sports channel but the one that had been filming his meet. Haru hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but watching the highlights now, it made since. He turned back to Makoto, his smile softer than before, and he wondered what he ever did to deserve him. He must have been a saint in his past life, and the one before that, it was the only way it made sense. 

“Makoto.” Haru shook Makoto softly by his shoulder as he whispered to him. “Makoto wake up.” He watched as Makoto’s nose scrunched a little, clearly not wanting to wake up, but Haru shook him again and droopy green eyes opened slowly, then blinked once before focusing completely.

“Mm… Haru-chan.” Makoto’s voice was groggy but a sleepy smile spread across his face, making Haru’s heart beat faster and his cheeks warm. It was short lived as Makoto’s eyes widened and he sat up. “Oh no! I overslept! I’m so sorry!” Makoto’s panic was endearing of itself, because Haru was more than able to get himself home, but Makoto always insisted he meet him. He didn’t want Makoto upset though, so he reached out, grabbing his hand and squeezed it.

“I came home early. I left right after the meet.” Haru explained, and he watched as the information sunk into Makoto’s understanding, watched how the panic ebbed away and was replaced with confusion, then a complete understanding and he smiled. 

“Oh.” He said, chuckling at his actions. “Welcome home Haru.” Makoto’s welcomes always made Haru’s heart skip a beat, no matter how common they were, but he loved them. Haru stood, grabbing Makoto’s hand as he did. 

“Let’s go to bed.” Haru pulled gently and Makoto rose easily. They turned off the television and made their way to their room in the dark. 

Haru turned on the lamp on his side of the bed, filling the room with a soft glow, and began to strip out of his travel clothes for something softer for sleeping, his eyes glancing over at Makoto as he did the same. He didn’t mean to lose focus on his own task as Makoto’s flesh became more abundant, but his hand simply stopped moving as he watched. Makoto must have felt his staring, because he turned bashfully, a shy smile on his lips. Haru straightened and moved closer to Makoto, wanting to kiss him and maybe more. 

Definitely more.

Makoto slouched as Haru cupped his face, bringing it closer to his own and slowly worked over his lips. It was easy to tell all of Haru’s meaning in it, how Haru had missed Makoto, how he was happy to be home, and as the kiss turned more heated, how aroused Haru had become. Haru could feel Makoto’s cheeks warm under his palms and slowly backed him into the bed, only breaking the kiss so Makoto could scoot farther onto the mattress and so Haru could follow, crawling over Makoto as he rested against their pillows. Makoto’s hands touched Haru as they kissed again, slowly moving over his sides, down his back and over his bottom. His touches made Haru’s skin burn, and he broke the kiss in favor of kissing down Makoto’s neck, sucking here and there on occasions and earning himself Makoto’s moans of enjoyment.

“I missed you.” Haru whispered softly into Makoto’s ear before catching the lobe between his teeth and nibbled on it. Makoto’s hands squeezed at Haru’s hips, pulling him down to where they would grind against each other. Haru moaned, pleasure surging through him, and his hands moved down to Makoto’s legs, spreading them slowly as he sat up. Makoto looked ravaged, lips swollen and red and slightly parted as he breathed heavily, his pupils blown wide, his cheeks a delightful pink. Haru really loved every part of Makoto, not that this was news to him as he leaned down and kissed Makoto’s chest. 

“Haru.” Makoto breathed, shivering a little. Haru looked up as he kissed a trail down his stomach, meeting Makoto’s gaze with ease. Haru felt Makoto’s fingers tangle themselves in his hair, and Haru leaned into it as his tongue ran over the firm muscles of Makoto’s stomach, knowing Makoto loved that. His knowledge was rewarded by a deep moan and his hair lightly pulled as Makoto arched up for more. Haru worked his way up, licking and nipping higher until his mouth was on Makoto’s pectorals. Makoto’s heart beat was felt against Haru’s lips and it raced with it all, and Haru kissed over it again before his tongue lapped at Makoto’s left nipple. Makoto’s whine was desperate, wanting, and Haru was more than happy to give more to him as he sucked on it slowly, tongue occasionally running over it while his lips sucked. His hand moved to the other, his thumb pressing in it gently before he rolled it between his fingers. He felt Makoto’s erection twitching on his stomach, could feel the precum oozing down it, and he abandoned the nipple in favor of grabbing it instead. 

Makoto’s gasp was heavenly, and it grew into a throaty moan as Haru began to pump him, slow gentle strokes at first, but the more Makoto moaned the more eager Haru grew. Makoto applied pressure to the back of Haru’s head, wanting him to kiss him, and Haru fulfilled his request with pleasure. His own erection grinned against Makoto’s again, and they moaned into the kiss, and Haru’s hips repeated the action as his hand wrapped around them both. Makoto’s hand joined his and Haru’s moan was swallowed by Makoto’s greedy mouth as they worked together. They were both close, Haru knew they were, and he squeezed Makoto’s side, where his other hand rested to keep him upright.

“Haru… Haru!” Makoto’s voice grew in volume as he tried for more friction, his hips not sitting still under Haru’s. It was too much for Haru, who moaned and buried his head into the nape of Makoto’s neck as he came, coating Makoto’s stomach and their hands. He felt, even in his high, Makoto’s hand moved faster around him, making the pleasure almost too much, and then Makoto followed him. Haru nuzzled into Makoto’s neck, showing him affection as their high slipped away leaving them both breathing heavily before Haru shifted to the open spot of the bed. 

Their hand found each other and their fingers laced, neither wanting to move just yet, but knowing Makoto’s stomach needed cleaned. It was a few minutes of afterglow before Haru moved from their bed to the bathroom, getting a warm washcloth for Makoto and carefully moved over the mattress to clean him. Makoto hummed in pleasure and Haru looked at him, blushing as he saw pure love and admiration in Makoto’s eyes as he smiled.

“What did I do to get you?” Makoto asked, his voice drowsy, and Haru had to look away for a moment as emotions bubbled in his heart and throat. But the moment ended and he leaned over to kiss Makoto’s lips, soft and chaste, before he kissed Makoto’s forehead. 

“You were Makoto.” He answered, as if that would really explain anything, and to anyone else it wouldn’t have, but Makoto hummed again, understanding in a way only he could. Haru tossed the wet cloth towards the dirty laundry hamper, not sure if he made it or not, before he moved to snuggle next to Makoto’s side. It took a moment to wiggle the blanket out from under them, but they managed to do it together and Makoto’s arms wrapped around Haru before signing in content. 

“Makoto.” Haru whispered after a laps of time, his hand lazily running up and down Makoto’s side. 

“Yes Haru?” Makoto answered, clearly fighting off sleep.

Haru placed a gentle kiss on Makoto’s chest, where he was tucked into, before closing his eyes. 

“I love you.”


End file.
